It seems like no matter where you look for advice on getting rid of love bites, the first thing anyone ever has to say is how tacky a love bite looks and that you just shouldn’t ever allow your significant other (or others) to give a love bite in the first place. I’m here to tell you that for the most part, that’s a load of crap. I will agree that it can sometimes be embarrassing and that you may not want your boss, co-workers, teachers, classmates, or parents to see that you have one. But here’s the thing: if you’re a living, breathing, feeling person with any amount of hot blood running through your veins, you’ll get a love bite from time to time. Not only does it feel too darn good to not allow it to happen, but the person giving a love bite knows it, and that makes it fun.
Love bites are nothing more than little bruises that are caused by sucking a little too vigorously on someone’s neck. Not that that’s the only place they can occur; the neck is just where they’re usually located when people are trying to learn how to get rid of a love bite. When too much suction is applied to the skin, especially if a little biting action is involved, the capillaries closest to the skin’s surface have a tendency to burst. Blood is then released into the surrounding skin and you are left with some nice little love bites and bruises. But enough of this. I’m pretty sure you don’t give a crap about how it happens. You just want to know how to get rid of love bites and how to do it right now. Well, too bad. There is no quick way to get rid of love bites. But there are a few ways to significantly speed the healing process or to at least temporarily lessen their visibility.
Cover Up Love Bites with Lies
- Burned self with curling iron (cover with bandage).
- Cover it with plaster and say it’s a bee sting.
- Splatter self with paint and say you were painting.
- Insect or spider bite (cover with bandage).
- Say you have allergies and it’s hives (cover with bandage).
- Tell parents a friend or sibling pinched you (make sure friend or sibling knows the story).
Getting Rid of Love Bites
Cold compress. The cold compress works best if it is applied directly after your neck-sucking session. If you know you’ve got a special someone coming over, get prepared. Start by putting half a dozen (or more) spoons in the freezer. After you’re all done getting your neck eaten, grab a spoon, press the bottom of it against the love bite, and massage lightly. Do this several times per love bite. Another option is to wrap some ice cubes or an ice pack in a paper or cloth towel and apply for around 20 minutes, remove for a few, and reapply. The cold will help control swelling and restrict blood vessels, which will help keep the blood from spreading.
Heat. A day or so after receiving your trophies, apply a little heat. This will cause the capillaries to open up and dilate. Dilated capillaries carry more blood. With lots of blood coming through, the clots will be broken up and carried away faster. The best way to do this is to get water from the tap that is as hot as you can stand without burning yourself. Dip the corner of a rag into it and press it against your love bite for about five minutes. Do this three times a day.
Give your love bite a sensual massage. It sounds odd but it helps. Massaging your love bite will assist in breaking up the blood clots (the bruise) so they can be reabsorbed by the body. This can be done in several ways. You can just use your fingers and give your neck a good rub down. It works better, though, to use either a soft-toothed comb or a wet, warm toothbrush. You will want to do this at least three times a day. Work for about five minutes each time and try to spread the clots outward from the center. Be careful you don’t push so hard as to scratch yourself.
Administer a cover up. Sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the weekend to get rid of love bites completely before Monday morning. In cases like this, the best thing you can do is to cover the darn things up and hope nobody asks about them. If you’re lucky, the love bites will be in a place where all you need to do is let your hair down. If it’s the cold season, go for the old turtleneck or scarf trick. If it’s been warm out, you might have to make due with a kerchief tied around your neck.
Let nature take its course. As I’ve mentioned, a love bite is nothing more than a bruise administered by a mouth. What would you do if you had a bruise on your leg? That’s right. Nothing. The love bite will most certainly go away on its own without any help from you whatsoever. All you’ve gotta do is give it some time. In most cases, a love bite will disappear after a period of anywhere from about five days to a week. If it lasts longer than that, don’t forget to give your compliments to the person who gave it to you. They will be proud.
Further Love Bite Treatments
Stand by it. I know it’s not a very popular idea, but why not just stand by your love bite? Yeah, maybe it doesn’t look so good. Who cares? It’s not hurting anyone, and it’ll be gone soon enough. Things happen. I would charge anyone who’s doing any ridiculing to tell me truthfully that they’ve never had one. Just try to teach whoever gave it to you how to give love bites in more concealable locations in the future.
Toothpaste. I’ve read so many conflicting reports on this method that it has to at least be worth trying. Some people tell you not to waste your time with it, yet just as many others will say that they’ve tried it and it worked. I’m guessing they’re all right. Just because it works for one person doesn’t mean it’s gonna work for the next. Anyway, get some toothpaste, smear some on your love bite, and leave it there for 10 minutes. Do this three times a day. Some people go to bed with it on their skin once it has dried.
Makeup. You don’t have to be a female to try covering love bites with makeup. They make green-tinted concealers that are designed for covering up pimples that work pretty well. You can also try green eyeshadow. Green is good at covering red. Many people also suggest using some foundation that is just a little lighter than your natural skin color.
Excedrine. This stuff contains acetaminophen and aspirin. The acetaminophen (Tylenol) will help with swelling and pain, and the aspirin will help keep blood flowing and platelets from sticking and forming more and larger blood clots.