The How to Get Rid of Things Blog

A few months ago, after being inundated with credit and loan offers, I decided it was time for me to learn how to get rid of junk mail. Unlike unsolicited emails - or spam - junk mail comes with the onus of disposal, and I have enough trouble recycling the rubbish I intentionally bring into my home. Through my quest to liberate my mailbox, I learned that this hassle was relatively innocuous compared to other aspects of the invasive business. First of all, your personal information is being tossed around like poker chips at a table full of drunks. Businesses large and small are buying, selling, renting, and trading your information without your permission, and they get their grubby hands on it in countless ways. Because of this, the business of junk mail exposes you to identity theft . What’s more, 100 million trees are cut down annually to produce junk mail - the majority of which ends up in landfills. Read my latest article on how to get rid of junk mail to keep your information safe, the planet less disgusting, and your sanity intact.

As spring approaches we who live in winter climates are looking forward to the melting snow, blooming trees, singing birds, and . . . the onslaught of rust on our cars and equipment. Rust is a fact of life wherever moisture contacts steel and iron metals, and so it’s important to know how to get rid of rust before it completely destroys whatever it touches. My latest page, Get Rid of Rust, offers tips on rust removal, rust prevention, and natural rust repair — everything you’ll need to get rid of the rust around your house and home.

I am what some might call a neat-freak, some might call ocd, some might call anal, and some might call just clean. Whatever you call it, you can bet money that twice a year I will go on a cleaning spree, getting rid of clutter, clutter’s second cousins, a whole mess of clutter. So as the time for spring and summer cleaning comes around once again, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to write a new page all about getting rid of clutter. I hope the advice you’ll find there helps all of you trying to get rid of your own clutter.

Finally! Our 100th article to date on How to Get Rid of Things! I don’t know what Natasha, Eric, and I are going to do to celebrate this milestone of freelance writing/publishing, but imagine it will have something to do with a bar and rounds of good Britsh/German/Microbrew beer. Yes, Natasha already wrote an article about mildew and mold, well more about mildew than mold. Is there a difference? Whatever. My focus here was to make sure you keep the entire house mold free by natural means, if you can call an air conditioner or a dehumidifier “natural.” Vinegar was the substance of the day, and I’ll tell you that it works great, because it does. I love vinegar. Just love it. I’m sure you noticed. It’s the perfect thing to spray in your shower or on your sink or even to mop your bathroom floor with. It kills bacteria, germy-germs, and mold just as well as any commercial product. I’m going to move on from how to get rid of mold to how to clean mold in a moment here–another article for “How to Clean Things.”

Natasha’s ex-grandmother, a former nurse and career smoker, owns a trailer that smells terrible. I guess that’s the only thing I can think of when I think of a smokey smelling home. There is my grandfather’s old cadillac. That smelled like smoke too. I guess I can’t tell you the smell of smoke really bothers me as much as it bothers other people. Maybe I like the smell because it reminds me of my grandfather. Maybe not. I guess I find it warm and comforting. Is it because I was a heavy smoker in the past? Maybe. But if you’re looking for how to get rid of smoke smell and odor, then you’ve come to the right place.

Static cling is almost a jokeless subject. I can’t think of anything funny to say about static cling. It’s probably the most uncomfortable feeling in the world when your polyester pants cling to your leg like that nephew you never really appreciated. I present to you How to Get Rid of Static. This article’s for you, Minnesota. You’ll find it in the Housekeeping section.

As you can see from the illustration above, I have some warm feelings for energy companies. Pun intended. How to get rid of High Heating Bills is an article that mostly focuses on reducing heating bills by reducing the amount of heat loss from your home. Insulation, and proper ventilation are key in the fight against high heating bills. There is also a little bit about heating assistance and a new way of billing that energy companies have come up with. I’m skeptical, but Amber thinks it’s a good idea.

Natasha is a very clever gal, and she wrote something up that might interest those of you who suffer from chronic drain clogs. I’ll let her tell you a little bit more about how to get rid of clogged drains when she finds the time. For those of you who think that the cause of my need to get rid of things is the fact that I’m a bachelor, let me tell you something. Natasha and I are a thing, you know, like a couple and stuff. She does her best to keep me in line, but the real reason I need to keep getting rid of things is because I’m a slob, much to her chagrin. She probably needs therapy because of it.

So, technically, I’m not a bachelor. I’m a man. That makes me incapable of thinking ahead and keeping things clean so that I don’t have to work harder later on. I was also a janitor for a while, so maybe this slobbery is simply my unconscious desire to once again hang with the 50-something bikers, cleaning university bathrooms for a living–but I doubt it. I’m pretty much just lazy–like a certain retro housewife I know who took her sweet time to respond to my earlier comments about her lifestyle.

I don’t need a housewife. I’ve got everything I need right here. (Yeah, that’s me doing the dishes while she takes pictures of flowers.) So, you see, house husbands aren’t just a myth. I may not be a man’s man, but I can do the dishes without the help of some dress with pretty hair, goddamnit.

I’m don’t actually harbor any hostile feelings or sentiments towards housewives–all sorts of respect is due to those of us who choose to stay home and actually care for our children, rather than set them up in front of video games or DVD players and run off to work. “Mom, can we go to the bookstore this afternoon?” “Nope, no time honey. Maybe later when Mommy doesn’t have so much stuff to do.” I can see the writing on the wall here, and I wanted to let those of you who were offended by my previous rant know that it was very much a tongue-in-cheek approach to the discourse surrounding domesticity and gender roles.

Speaking of discourse, I have a feeling Retro Housewife is going to chime in here with a response to my rather callous examination of the housewife’s responsibilities. I’m looking forward to it. Oh, and if anyone would like to exchange links, please let me know by emailing me: samoya22@hotmail.com. Now have yourselves a wonderful day.
Love,

Jonathan

I’ve recently discovered the joys of the Yahoo! Answers program, and I think there’s some potential here to keep How to Get Rid of Things advice in the public eye. I signed up a couple of weeks ago, and not too long ago I was picked as a best answer for the service they offer in the U.K. Here is the question and my answer. Apparently spiders are a problem in the United Kingdom as well. I offered her a link to a book I’d bought about spiders in Minnesota (the north woods), not thinking that she would actually appreciate a book detailing spiders only found in the most northern parts of North America. I also linked here to the wikipedia article about spiders, and back to How to Get Rid of Things–which brings me to my point.

If you happen to be all about answering questions and getting pseudo-rewards for them, I strongly recommend that you  check out the Yahoo! Answers program. It’s easy to sign up for, and it’s actually a bit of fun. Not only that, but you can brush up on your rhetoric skills by seeing just how many times you can lull a couple of readers into thinking you really do have the best answer to their problem.

Oh, and if you find the occasion to link back to getridofthings.com at the bottom of your Yahoo Answer page, please do.