So, I’m sitting at my computer wondering what to write next, when I realize why not go ahead and tackle love handles? Everybody has them. Well, everybody I know. Normal people have them, not those toothpicks they parade around the catwalks like living reminders of the perversion that is social consciousness. Are those guys and girls even human anymore? Are they what Nietzsche was talking about? No, I suppose not, because the mind is part of that transcendence, and anyone who has tried to hold a conversation with a modern day mall princess knows they couldn’t transcend their way out of a wet paper bag–let alone spell transcend.

Nevertheless, I’ll put my gripes aside and point you toward how to get rid of love handles.