Just last week you came home from work early and caught your husband with the babysitter. And the mailman. And the mailman's pet ferret. And something that looked suspiciously like a pressurized sand blaster. Luckily, you have How to Get Rid of Things to help you get through that divorce quickly so you can hop right back on the marriage horse and start it all over again. And then, in three years, you can come back to us for divorce number two.
So, even though I'll go on the record as not believing, I completely understand what you're going through if you suspect you're being haunted. That's why I've collected the advice most commonly given by ghost hunters for getting rid of ghosts. The methods range from practical to herbal to spiritual, and can be used in any combination. What's crucial is that the course of action you choose falls in line with your belief system. According to people who claim to know, banishing a ghost only works if you believe it will work. From any perspective, spiritual or psychological, that makes sense. So choose carefully, and happy sleeping.
The last time I single-handedly stopped a zombie apocalypse, I started by killing off my less intelligent friends and family members and feeding their brains to the zombies. This kept their appetites in check and worked really well . . . for awhile. Ultimately, however, I found myself scared and alone. I'd killed off all the dummies and all the smart people I knew got the hell away from me. Luckily, however, I was able to bring How to Get Rid of Things up on my cell phone. There, I found this invaluable article on killing zombies.